In our lives we often guilt ourselves for not being “good enough.”
For all our kinks, secret desires, “sins” we grip ever more tightly to guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy.
The price we pay for guilt is the self-satisfaction of not living up to our unrealistic expectations.
This self-flagellation of ourselves is the very set of chains that holds us back from our own greatness.
This article is a good example of this — I had intended to write this article last week, and then it was yesterday, and it almost became tomorrow.
Currently, as I sit in O’hare Airport waiting to head to Florida, I am typing this article at a nice little table. And now I’m finishing up this article one week later back at home.
Over the past few months and weeks I’ve been cultivating greater compassion, both for myself and for others. This has corresponded with my increased practice of Systema physical embodiment, Tantra, and other breathwork practices (e.g., Sonic Breathwork).
Whenever tension hits my body, I feel it.
Then, I release it.
A deep breath in through the nose, then on the exhale through the mouth I release the tension.
Breathe into the area(s) you hold tension. Imagine on the exhale that you are warming these tensions up, releasing these tensions into the Earth below.
Through Tantric practice I have realized (and continue to realize ever more deeply) that all experience is good.
All experiences teach us exactly what we need to learn in any given moment, if we are open enough to surrender and learn.
This connects to my recent experiences the past few weeks connecting with the 7 Deadly Sins of Sloth and Gluttony.
I want to share these experiences with you so you can get an inside view of how I’ve recently viewed negative experiences with a positive, growth mindset.
Self-indulgence in Food
Over two weeks ago, I spent many nights indulging in powder sugar-soaked, peanut butter-glazed Ritz crackers.
I would guzzle down the fatty butter and slimy sugar with an equally thick hot chocolate.
At the time I was binge watching all of Fullmetal Alchemist.
Then it was binging Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.
Earlier it was binging Avatar the Last Airbender.
I noticed how I used food, especially sugar and fat, to distract myself from what else I could be doing: writing substack articles, meditating, creating my future business, helping others.
I refrained from judging myself negatively. I simply observed what was happening.
Sometimes I even pushed myself further than I was comfortable: too full? Why not eat just a little more then…
By consciously engaging in over indulgence with food, I experienced a side of myself I had always hidden from given my typical asceticism.
Ever since I was young I felt a strong aversion to being weak. I remember when I was 8 or 9 years old, up in my attic bedroom on Maui, doing planks for minutes at a time. Hitting my abs, it wasn’t enough! I needed to be stronger.
That same drive has never left me, and I still routinely workout and live with similar intensity. However, I have started to realize that its ok sometimes to let go, to surrender to our desires in ways we’ve been too peevish to admit to before.
This doesn’t mean going off the deep end and abandoning our life’s purpose, goals, and dreams.
But rather, this is acknolwedging that there are times of optimal efficiency and rest. Sometimes we need to enjoy the ride — and sometimes that ride is a negative trip of self-denial, lies, and avoidance.
If we can stay conscious during these negative trips then our reward is everything.
Every shadow within us contains a brilliant gift of sunlight.
Sloth — “I’ll do that tomorrow”
The Deadly Sin of Sloth corresponds to an innate laziness within us.
This is the spirit which whispers “I’ll do that tomorrow“ as we hit the snooze button and sleep in for the 5th time this morning.
What is the opposite of Sloth?
VITALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the power that says “I’M GOING TO KICK LIFE IN THE FACE WITH MY ENERGY LEGS!” (video inspiration haha)
I used to only think of vitality as the raw masculine energy of “LET’S DO ITTTT!!!!”
However, recently I’ve experienced vitality as the same shift from lust to unconditional love — mature vitality is an efficient, slow-burning fuel that keeps running whether its raining or sunshine outside.
Sometimes there are peak bursts and explosions of energy, but its always there pumping energy out.
The Divine Virtue of Vitality stakes the opposite of Sloth: “I’ll do that today!”
Or one step further:
“I’ll do that now!”
This is the energy of the Warrior, the Fire element.
Conversely, Sloth represents the excesses of the Lover, the Water element.
There is nothing wrong with resting when we need it, but it takes a couragous dedication to truth to know when we’re just sliding into laziness.
We can consciously observe as we engage in lazy actions and see how it affects us — how we feel before, after and during our slothful experience.
When I binged many different TV shows the past few weeks, I simply neutrally and lovingly observed everything as it happened.
I didn’t want to spend time making a more elaborate meal, so I slapped together raw powder sugar with peanut butter and crackers. Ate some raw bread. Downed a can of olives. Even broke my vegan streak and ate 12 chicken wings.
I didn’t want to do the dishes. I didn’t want to shower. I didn’t want to do laundry.
And so I didn’t that day.
I didn’t want to do anything but lay down and watch, watch, watch, and eat, eat, eat…
The next day I felt the pangs of guilt well up within, and I loved those slivers under the skin as indelible parts of myself. Sitting with these pangs was proof of making progress — progress towards self-transcendence.
Now, a few weeks later, I feel much more integrated. There is less and less power that the overly lazy aspects of myself have over me.
I increasingly know that I genuinely care for myself, my body, heart, mind, and Soul. That even in falling there is never a true down, but only an up if you dare to look close enough.
Gluttony — “I want to consume forever”
Gluttony is a fascinating Deadly Sin.
Its typically represented by an overeating of food and overdrinking of beverages.
I watched it play out in my body and mind. I loved it with a curious neutrality.
Gluttony is deeply afraid of being disconnected from the Divine. In each pleasurable bite of sugar, slurp of oil, crackle of salt — this is Gluttony’s limited connection to Divine Union.
For some this limited connection to the Divine comes through material sex (Lust), but with Gluttony the connection comes through material consumption.
This material consumption includes food, drinks, but also all forms of consumer culture — magazines, books, TV shows, movies, anime, music, etc.
Everyone likely has (or has had) an intimate relationship with Gluttony, whether consciously recognized or not.
The main difference that divides Gluttony from a healthy consumption, is that Gluttony is consuming to excess.
Therefore this is relative — what is a normal and healthy amount of consumption for one person is excessive for another.
You have to look deep within yourself, observe yourself when you are eating, drinking, scrolling social media, or doing any other activity — observe with neutral loving awareness. Take everything in without judgement, labels, emotional attachments; let these things come up but don’t cling to them, simply observe as everything arises.
Similar to Sloth, Gluttony doesn’t want to look at the Truth, doesn’t want to put in the work necessary to co-create and maintain a healthier and more sustainable connection with the Divine.
Simply observe Gluttony as it arises and love it. Avoid guilting and shaming this part of yourself, for the more you cling to guilt and shame the stronger it becomes. Give it nowhere to cling to in yourself, no footholds to stand on, and Gluttony and all the other Deadly Sins will fall upwards into becoming the Divine Virtues.
The opposite of Gluttony is Temperance.
Temperance is the balancing of our natural appetites, a harmony of chaos and order.
Through integrating Gluttony within ourselves, it will naturally evolve into submission to the greater Cosmic Order.
From this perspective, on one day you may feel it isn’t aligned to eat any cake.
On the next day you may feel that eating cake is the most aligned thing you could do.
Temperance requires a high degree of integrity and a commitment to truth. This isn’t giving into tempermental emotions, but rather is learning to trust in the Higher Self or Soul which stands behind the small self or ego. Through this trust, acting with Temperance becomes easier as your ability to see with greater clarity expands.
When you can clearly see the right action, it becomes much easier to take that action (or to not take certain unaligned actions).
This is not in the lens of amibiguous “oh, well eating this isn’t that healthy,” but rather at the laser-precise scope of “oh, eating this doesn’t align with my Soul’s Purpose because it will drop my energy level down so that I cannot be there for myself, my loved ones, or for those I am here to serve.”
The scale shifts as the small self yields to the Higher Self.
This is a balance though, and be careful to not slip into spiritual materialism (using spirituality as a means to bolster the ego) — there is no heavy guilt or expectation in a typical sense, but a deeper and more free calling to Be ever more truly are you are. This is the Higher Self or Soul, not the small self or ego that we have become attached to.
Actions then naturally flow in accordance with the more greatly aligned Being that results from surrending to God/Goddess/Source/Higher Self/Soul.
You can change your trajectory, flip the 7 Deadly Sins to 7 Divine Virtues, by surrending to this Higher Order. <3
Love is the Way
Love all the way.
This is the unconditional love that gives freely.
It is the valiant sunlight that freely gives our Earth energy to thrive.
It is the ocean currents that freely flow around the Earth in continual purification.
It is in every cell of our bodies, every breath of our lungs, every beat of our hearts!
What a miracle it is!
Yet so few choose to see it, even though it is behind every corner, in every book, in our very skin! <3
If you want to go further, please read below and try out the practice of Neutral Loving Awarenss in your daily life:
Neutral Loving Awareness
Neutral loving awareness, sometimes called “Witness Consciousness” or “Presence,” is the cornerstone to any healthy meditation practice. In fact, this is the one meditation technique that if you master you will likely not need any other technique. Other techniques will allow for faster development, but neutral loving awareness allows for an ongoing refinement and natural letting go of what no longer serves you.
It is also a cornerstone practice that will be essential for other practices you may do in the future.
The basic technique is simple: be aware of everything you experience – senses, thoughts, emotions – with a neutral loving acceptance.
This involves holding back from judging any situation.
Think something good just happened to you? Step back in yourself, your Being, and just observe neutrally.
Think something bad just happened to you? Same thing: simply observe as neutrally and completely as possible.
A simple way to practice this is to simply pay attention to your breathing right now. Don’t try to alter it, simply be aware of it. Next become aware of your body, from your feet to the crown of your head. Notice any tensions. Then you can notice how you feel, sense your emotions and thoughts. Come back to focus on the breath as you begin to take in more and more, practicing with no judgment or assumptions.
In the beginning this may feel awkward or unusual, but over time you will find you have more space to handle any situation, emotion, and experience.
Eventually neutral loving awareness can expand into every moment of your waking hours, allowing you to hold more and more space for everything.
Start with focusing on the breath. It is the easiest way to re-center ourselves and create space in any situation. Eventually though, you can maintain neutral loving awareness without reference to the breath. Such as with heart breathing, you can shift your focus to your heart beats. You can also focus on everything and nothing in particular simultaneously (non-dual awareness).
Neutral loving awareness as a practice can be as quick as taking a break from your current activities and simply focusing on 3 breaths. You can also focus on the breath/body/experiences for multiple minutes or longer. In long-form, you could do neutral loving awareness with breath focus for hours.
In the beginning simply start with taking time out of your day to focus on your breath. I have alarms set for noon, 3 pm, and 6 pm to remind me to reconnect with my body and breath. Find your own method that works for you, but keep it simple and easy. This way you will be sure to do it routinely throughout the day, everyday :)
Thank you <3
Thanks for reading!
I will be delving more into the theme of virtue and vice, among other topics in the near future. I also have some very juicy things upcoming about recent powerful Tantra experiences~
Give this epic anime opening theme a listen and feel the power of the hero flood your veins! (Ousama Ranking | Opening 2 - Hadaka no Yuusha)
You can do it! You can be the loving light! Simply observe with neutral loving awareness and watch as your life begins to transform <3
Catch ya next time :)